Blog Post by Rodney A. Wilson
Rodney Wilson is a regular guest post writer on Selma on Leadership. Rodney has been a marriage and family pastor/counselor for almost 20 years. Rodney and Selma have been married for 40 years and they have spoken and written on marriage and family issues for most of their married life.
One of my favorite sites to see is the card aisle on February 13th. Some ladies, but (let’s be honest) mostly guys, rummage through rows of cards trying to select the perfect one at the last minute. Does your spouse prefer a funny Valentine, a long romantic poem, or a simple sweet sentiment? It’s a daunting task, yet we all do it year after year.
The truth is no card will capture everything you want to tell the love of your life. That doesn’t mean you get to skip the card (Sorry!). It means the words you tell your spouse daily have a greater impact than one card one day a year.
Often we think the words we give our spouse need to be lofty, poetic, or romantic, but actually it can be a lot simpler than that.The words we say to our spouse don't need to be lofty, poetic or romantic. Here are 3 things to say: Click To Tweet
Here are three simple statements your spouse needs to hear from you on Valentine’s Day and every day. They don’t take a lot of time, but over time will strengthen your intimacy and your communication with each other.
1. I love you. (Surprise, surprise.)
Do not underestimate the weight of this familiar phrase. If you rarely say it, pick up the pace. If you say it often (good!) continue but work to keep it meaningful. People sometimes merely repeat it so often that it comes across as stale. Find different contexts to tell her. Write it to him in a card. Take your shaving cream and write it across her bathroom mirror – just keep it fresh!
2. How can I pray for you?
I cannot tell you how many times (including this morning) a wife has told me in counseling how she wished her husband was the spiritual leader of their home. A husband asking his wife this one question can ignite the journey of him assuming his spiritual role in the family. A wife asking her husband this question can encourage him as well. The question actually makes two statements: a) I believe in prayer; and b) I want to take your issues to the Lord and ask Him to help you.
3. Here’s what I like about you: (fill in the blank).
Every day spouses need to be praying for, observing and personally praising each other in some area. A consistent diet of support through specific affirmations can go a long way in communicating love for your spouse.
Part of a homework assignment I give to engaged couples in premarital counseling is for them to write down 15 reasons this is the future Mr./Mrs. Right. With that many reasons they have to take some time and get past the typical responses that come in the first 5-6 reasons. That’s when the creative answers emerge.
I challenge you to bless your spouse with at least one positive observation about him/her each day – from now on! Accept this challenge and a) your spouse will know you love him/her; and b) you will find yourself looking for the good in your mate.
So go ahead and buy the Valentine’s Day card. But know that the real romance and strength of your intimacy will be built by the small things you do daily for each other.
“Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper as his complement.” Genesis 2:18