It is easy to drift whether in life, leadership, or marriage. Drifting is a non-intentional approach to life. It is letting life and circumstances push you along with no attempt to actively engage. In marriage you are either moving towards each other or drifting away from one another. If you do nothing, you will drift because the currents of life will be directing your future.If you do nothing, you will drift because the currents of life will be directing your future. Click To Tweet
In marriage, one of the dangers of drifting is you may not realize you are in trouble until you are miles apart. When you drift, it is a slow and gradual process. One day you wake up and realize you and your spouse are miles apart or maybe you wake up and realize you have drifted and are close to falling off a cliff! I pray that the signs below will be a warning and a wake up call to check if your marriage is drifting.
Here are four signs your marriage may be drifting:
1. No intimacy.
Marriage is about sharing your life intimately with someone else. I loved the definition I heard for intimacy – “into-me-see”. Marriage is sharing your life with someone in such a way that they see you. It is sharing physical intimacy, spiritual intimacy, relational intimacy, and emotional intimacy. We get all of it. When you start drifting, you lose that intimacy. Soon the distance is so far, you don’t even see each other anymore.
2. No joy.
Sharing life together should be full of joy. You should enjoy being together and having fun together. Whether doing household chores, serving together, parenting together, praying together, or having ice-cream together – there should be great joy in doing things together. When you lose that joy, you may be drifting apart. Living separate lives more focused on the things you do than the things “we” do. Losing the joy, the laughter, the fun of marriage is a sign you are drifting apart.
3. No shared goals or dreams.
There should be a shared purpose and direction for your marriage. It isn’t that you do everything together all the time but even in the separate things you do, there should be unity. When you stop sharing together your mission, your goals, and your dreams, you can start drifting. Your goals may become separate goals – his and her goals only. You are each paddling your own boat in your own direction and you can easily end up in totally different destinations.
4. Stop serving each other.
When you drift, you aren’t focused on each other. You become lazy or passive in serving each other. You stop doing the little things that are personal to each other. You start taking each other for granted. Marriage requires a level of dying to self and giving to each other. You serve because you want to serve. You care so much about your spouse, you will give in ways that are not natural to you because you love your spouse so much you want to serve them. It may be through words of affirmation, or acts of kindness, or a personal gift just for them. When you drift apart, you don’t serve.
You don’t have to do anything to drift. It will happen naturally when you aren’t intentional about your marriage and your life. If you don’t want to drift, you will need to be actively engaged in your relationship to keep your marriage strong and healthy. The benefits are greatly worth the effort.In marriage you are either moving towards each other or drifting away from one another. Click To Tweet
What other dangers do you see in a marriage or life that drifts?
“To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:32