Recently I read a post from a young woman that brought me to tears. I know her and to me she is a beautiful, gifted young woman, with amazing gifts. You would never know from the outside, all she has struggled with privately. It began for her in middle school as she struggled with her self-image. Through her teen years she shared of her deep depression, thoughts of suicide, the cutting, and the desperation she felt. As a freshman in college, she is doing much better. She has learned to let go of perfect, is opening up to her Christian friends, and is learning more about how very much God loves her.
I called my adult daughters, Jennifer and Natalie, who have both worked in girl’s ministry. I got their input for this post. Here is our list of the top needs of teen girls.
1. Someone to listen to them. To really listen and understand. A safe place for them to share how they feel and to help them navigate how they feel.
2. Someone to tell them often and regularly that they are remarkably and wonderfully made by God (see Ps. 139:13–14).
3. Someone to call out the gifts God has given them and give them an opportunity to use them. They need to feel confident in who they are and the gifts they have.
4. Permission to make a “B”. A place where letting go of perfect is encouraged and grace is freely given. (I prayed for my oldest daughter, Jennifer, to make a “B” when she was in college. I told her I was praying and why. She got the “B” and we still laugh about it. She was able to let go of perfect.)
5. At least one or two very close friends. (Parents need to have open homes where friends can come over to invest in relationships for their teens. Also, a healthy youth ministry provides an opportunity to build healthy friendships.)
6. Someone that prays for them specifically and they know it.
7. A father or substitute father who will set an example of how a boy should treat a girl.
8. They need to hear, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
9. Adult women who will be real, authentic role models and mentors for them.
10. Need a Bible and a journal. A journal can be a safe place to work out all they are experiencing on the journey through the teen years. God’s Word will give them the foundation for everything.
11. Privacy.
12. Laughter and times just to have fun.
13. They need and want boundaries and responsibilities. It builds security and self-worth.
14. They need Mom to be Mom and not try to be a friend or peer.
15. Their home to be a safe place of security, peace, and acceptance, where they can be loved unconditionally.
16. A home where they see real, authentic faith lived out daily not a faith that is only seen on Sunday.
I want to invest more of my time in mentoring young girls/women. Would you join me in investing in the next generation? Ask a teen girl(s) what they need and share it with us.
Blessings,
Selma
What a lovely and encouraging piece! Thank you for this. The list of 16 specifics in particular are very wise and point in all the right directions. I will share this on my Facebook page.
God bless!
Chaplain Mac
Thank you for the list. I teach 9th & 10th grade girls
Thanks so much for this list! I am a counselor and have worked w/at-risk families, teens and kids for the past 30 years in one way or another; I also have two daughters and understand the frustrations of trying to surround our girls with Christ-like examples that they can go to if they’re unable to talk to us. Too many parents are insulted when their kids can’t come to them — let’s face it, we didn’t always go to our parents. It’s just nice to know there are others we trust that are able to talk with our girls who will give them the same type of guidance that we would offer. Great article!
Cyndie,
First, thank you for your decades of commitment in serving families and teens. I am blessed by your comments and your ministry. May God continue to work through you to transform lives. Blessings.
Thank you for this! I have a teen daughter and I needed the reminders. Something I think we have done right is respecting her privacy. We knock before we enter each other’s bedrooms and ask for feedback on personal boundaries.
A good read for anyone who has teen daughters or who works with them in any capacity. I don’t always get it right, but I keep trying. This article mentions privacy, but specifically I think girls need space to grow as well. When they feel you are invading their space (inserting yourself where they feel you don’t belong), they will shut you out. I do not speak about this because it has happened with my own daughter, but because I’ve seen “well-meaning” adults push a little too hard. I’ve heard the conversations in the backseat of my car. We need to pay attention to their reactions and body language. And hardest of all, don’t take it personally. Such a tough age – I wouldn’t do it again! I pray for my beautiful girl every day.
Thank you so much for this wonderful list. As a mom of young girls & a 7th & 8th grade girls’ Sunday School Teacher, this is a reminder I need daily.
Again, thank you.
Wow!! Hit it right on the nail!!
We have 14 year old twin girls, and this all applies!! One of them just came out of a bad destructive relationship…we prayed over her insecurity, and God told me to have my husband validate her more. Tell her what a guy really wants, and that perfection isn’t reality. Thank you for the post! I am sharing it on our page today 🙂 Please keep blogging!!
Thank you for a work you are doing God bless.I need to partner with you so that we can accomplish this here in Kenya.
My husband and I both talk to our daughters about how guys should treat then. That is not only the dad’s role. I do not allow my daughters to be taught only by their dad. My role is very important . I don’t get why Americans have these doctrines that suggest this,
It is important that we teach pare to that mothers can validate their daughters. This is a man made doctrine that has been spread fir years and it needs to be corrected. Mothers are the like parent. Dad needs to talk with the sons to teach them how to treat young ladies.