Blog Post by Rodney A. Wilson
Rodney Wilson is a regular guest post writer on Selma on Leadership. Rodney has been a marriage and family pastor/counselor for almost 20 years. Rodney and Selma have been married for 40 years and they have spoken and written on marriage and family issues for most of their married life.
Do not panic when you are angry with your spouse. When handled correctly, anger can actually be healthy in your marriage. Not all conflict is good in your marriage, but some is. Check out my recent post for some indicators that your anger situation has been handled properly.Not all conflict is good in your marriage, but some is. Do you know what kind is good? Click To Tweet
3 Reasons Why Good Conflict Is a Good Thing in Your Marriage:
1. Good conflict clears the air.
Anger is an indicator that something is going on in your marriage that needs to be addressed. Your spouse needs to know how you feel about the situation, and anger is the vehicle to voice it. Getting that misunderstanding straightened out, or one of you apologizing gets the issues uncovered. No pretense. Nothing hidden. And as Selma often says, no undertow. Clear air smells fresh. You can breathe again.
2. Good conflict builds trust.
Conflict is honesty. When your mate is angry you don’t doubt where they stand on an issue. It is pure and open.
Again, you can overdo it and be brutally honest but don’t go there. Remember, this is your teammate and you do not want to attack your teammate. The team will lose. Instead, speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).
Your respectful honesty will build trust in your mate. You are telling your spouse “You can trust me to let you know when I disagree with you.”
3. Good conflict says “I care”.
Revealing your anger to your spouse means you care enough about the quality of your marriage to resolve what is between you. You are willing to risk an argument to settle the matter so you will be closer afterwards. And guess what? You will be closer afterwards!
Because I do not like conflict, I have to remind myself at times that one of the worse things I could do in my marriage is stuff my anger. All kinds of problems like silent bitterness and resentment can develop when stuffing occurs.
So don’t blow a gasket when anger is present in your relationship. Your marriage is not falling apart, you’re just angry. Fight that urge to suppress, quiet your spouse. Let her share her anger with you. Let him voice what upset him. Openness both ways can build trust and keep the air clear. And that’s a great feeling.