Blog Post by Rodney A. Wilson
Rodney Wilson is a regular guest post writer on Selma on Leadership. Rodney has been a marriage and family pastor/counselor for almost 20 years. Rodney and Selma have been married for 40 years and they have spoken and written on marriage and family issues for most of their married life.
Social media can be a two-edged sword in your marriage. Used wisely, you can build up your spouse and send a clear message to the world that you and your spouse, while not perfect, love each other and are committed to your marriage. On the other hand, one flippant post can tear down your relationship, hurt your spouse, and undermine what you probably hoped to accomplish in the first place.
Many justify cutting their spouses down on social media in the name of “venting” or “being real” but there is no place for it in a healthy marriage.There is no place in a healthy marriage for 'venting' on social media cutting your spouse down. Click To Tweet
The next time you’re tempted to turn toward social media after a fight, use restraint, and never “like” or share the following.
5 Nevers for Social Media and Your Marriage:
1. Anything negative about your spouse.
We all know that your spouse, like the rest of our spouses, is not perfect. We do not need to know how your spouse is flawed.
Also, your mate has enough critics in this world. Be his or her cheerleader instead. Make the scripture true that says “Two are better than one” (Ecclesiastes 4:9a).
Do you have concerns about your spouse’s behavior? Of course you do and you need to share them with him/her. Just not for the world to hear. Try sharing them alone or with a counselor.
2. Anything intimate.
Much of marriage is personal. When married couples are intimate on any level, there is a critical trust that builds. That trust can be broken when personal things are shared with others. Keep what you do together sacred. Be trustworthy of your spouse. Don’t spoil the closeness by letting others know about it.
3. Ongoing conflict.
This one gets uncomfortable. Perhaps you’ve witnessed it on social media as well. One spouse posts about the other’s attitude or behavior. Then the other snaps with a return volley. Back and forth the counter-punching continues. And all of this in front of the whole world. It would be entertaining if it weren’t so sad.
Your marriage isn’t a reality show. As with your intimate life together, show some restraint and argue alone or in front of a counselor.
4. Your mate’s personal insecurities.
Again, this is sharing personal, private information that no one needs nor wants to know. It will not be breaking news if you tell us specific areas where your mate is not secure. We are all insecure in some parts of our lives.There is no upside to doing this. No benefit to your marriage.
5. Manipulative attempts to get him or her to change.
This one happens more subtly. You share an article you really wish he’d take the hint and read. You gush over someone else’s relationship. You post vague, passive aggressive statements directed toward your spouse. All this undermines what you want to accomplish. The picture perfect marriages you think your friends have don’t exist. Their spouses are flawed like yours. The blog you think will fix your spouse, really won’t. Deal with your issues together and cut out the manipulative posts.
Social media has potential to build your marriage or tear it down. When in doubt just don’t share. Turn it off, take a break, or delete the app altogether, and work on your marriage privately.