Blog Post by Rodney A. Wilson
Rodney Wilson is a regular guest post writer on Selma on Leadership. Rodney has been a marriage and family pastor/counselor for almost 20 years. Rodney and Selma have been married for 40 years and they have spoken and written on marriage and family issues for most of their married life.
There are many purposes of sexual intimacy in marriage. Sex produces life and gives us our children. It can give pleasure. It can help make up after an argument. It can comfort. It can help celebrate. This gift from God has numerous purposes in the marriage realm.
Perhaps the most beautiful aspect of this gift the Lord has blessed marriages with is its protective quality. Yes, there is a protective shield that sex can provide over the marriage union, safeguarding it from outside harm and pain.
Here are five ways sexual intimacy protects your marriage:
1. It builds security. Sex inside of marriage is a beautiful and personal bond of unity and oneness as God designed marriage. Sex outside of marriage destroys that unity and displays the brokenness of trust and security. Sex within marriage puts the marriage in sync. It harmonizes the relationship and can build a marital safety net so needed in an uncertain world.
2. Sex inside of marriage is biblical.
“Do not deprive one another sexually—except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer.” — I Corinthians 7:5a
Paul reminds us that, as married couples, we need to be about the business of sex. This is a normal part of married life. This absolutely awesome gift is to be a normal part of our marriage – WOW! What an incentive to comply with what is prescribed in the scriptures!
Doing what is biblical by being sexually active and faithful to each other honors God and strengthens your relationship.
3. It bonds the married couple together. In their book When Two Become One, the McCluskeys write when a couple works on their sex life together, it is like “pouring superglue all over their relationship”. What an incredible picture! It bonds you that tightly! The couple is stronger when their sex life is healthy. That’s some major league protection!
4. It keeps you from temptation. Again from I Corinthians 7 (the rest of verse 5):
“Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Paul is stating for couples to resume their sex life (after a time allocated to prayer) so that neither will be tempted to stray. It’s the old football axiom, “the best defense is a good offense.” Coming together again (resuming your sex life after a pause) is like going on the offensive, and in the process the protective defense takes care of itself. Seek to make your sex life so good that it causes your mate to think, “I’d be a fool to look anywhere else!”
5. It allows you to experience all three sides of the “intimacy triangle”.
Inside or outside of marriage, sex can bring physical pleasure. And occasionally there can be an emotional connection even in sex outside of marriage. And yet couples will never know what they are lacking in the sexual experience until they know it as the Creator created it – inside the safe and protective bonds of marriage. That’s the spiritual connection, the third side of the intimacy triangle. When God sees sex being given to each other in the way He designed it (in marriage), there is a spiritual blessing that happens. There is a peace of knowing you are in the will of God in the midst of this wonderfully mysterious phenomenon.
And the world without Christ wanders from relationship to relationship searching for that something they are hungering and thirsting for – the complete sexual experience that only occurs with the blessing of the Lord Himself.
Sexual intimacy inside of marriage provides the third side of the triangle, the spiritual dimension. Your marriage is protected in that you get to experience the completeness of sex – the physical, emotional and the spiritual. Something the world without Christ only longs for.
Finally, if the intimacy in your marriage is struggling for some reason, do not hesitate to get some help. God wants the sexual intimacy in your marriage to be fulfilling to both of you. It would not be a selfish thing to seek help from a Christian counselor if needed. Rather, I see it as a courageous act of marriage enrichment.
Seek to make this part of your marital relationship all it can be. Your marriage will be protected as a result of your efforts.