Rodney Wilson is a regular guest post writer on Selma on Leadership. Rodney has been a marriage and family pastor/counselor for almost 20 years. Rodney and Selma have been married for 40 years and they have spoken and written on marriage and family issues for most of their married life.
Someone once wisely said that the grass is not greener on the other side. And the grass is not greener on your side.
The grass is greener where you water it.
Not bad marital advice. Actually, it is excellent! Every time you dream about that girlfriend of yesteryear, or that high school sweetheart stirred up by seeing him/her on some social network, you are watering grass on the wrong side of the fence. When you see that new employee at your office and she smiles at you and you get what Gary Chapman calls “the tingles”, and you think about her the rest of the afternoon, you are watering grass on the other side, making it look oooh so green.'The grass is greener where you water it' is excellent marriage advice! Click To Tweet
So let’s look at how to water the grass on your side. In our church’s marriage ministry, one of our essentials of a healthy marriage is what we call “Pursue Passion”. When you pursue passion in your marriage you are watering the grass on your own side of the fence. It sounds good, but just how do you do it? How does one water the grass of a 10, 20 or maybe 30-year old marriage?
Thank you for asking! Here are three passion pursuits that involve talking and doing to improve your marital relationship. “Proper watering” if you will.
3 Ways to Water the Proper Grass in Your Marriage:
1. Pursue enjoyment. This might sound a little selfish but hang with me. Find things that you like to do as a couple. Ask each other: “What is your favorite activity we do together?” Then carve out some time – get those fun things on the calendar – and do them. Keep in mind that a marriage stays alive & fun by intention, not by default, so brainstorm with calendar in hand. Dream and explore together the fun things you enjoy as a pair. It doesn’t always have to be elaborate or expensive. Just fun. Who knows, a new activity might surface as well.
Not all of marriage is fun & games of course. All marriages, however, do need some fun here and there. By identifying and doing activities you enjoy as a couple you keep your marriage from becoming stale. You’ll be watering the grass of your relationship!
2. Pursue connection. Complete this sentence to each other: “I feel closest to you when ________”. You might have more than one thing to share. Then one at a time, do those things for each other to reinforce your closeness and togetherness. It’s not about keeping score but be sure to do something for both you and your spouse that you two have mentioned.
This little exercise is huge in terms of connection in your marriage. You are a team and a team is only as strong as its security in each other. Doing that which makes your spouse feel closest to you is creating security, building confidence, and connecting.
3. Pursue the Lord. We saved the most important for last. Pray together if you can. If not, then ask some questions pertaining to prayer and your relationship. Ask your mate how you can pray for her today? Also, ask your mate to pray for certain concerns you have. Pray for your spouse daily and let him know you are doing so. Also ask the Lord what you can do today to be a better mate to your spouse.
It stands to reason that when both of you are making Christ the center of your marriage it can only help solidify your relationship. Walking closely with God doesn’t immediately solve all your problems but it is the best gift you can give to your mate and will head your marriage in the best direction.How does one water the grass of a 10, 20 or maybe 30-year old marriage? Here are 3 tips: Click To Tweet
So water the grass on your side of the fence. Doing so can restore and retain passion in your relationship while honoring the Lord. Talk about your win-wins!