Lessons Learned from Parenting Preschoolers – Selma on Leadership #007

Welcome to Season 1, Episode 7 of the Selma on Leadership podcast. The years of parenting little ones can be chaotic and exhausting, but listen in as I reflect on tips from when our girls were little and hopefully impart some encouragement. Hear from myself and co-host Kristen McCall on the lessons learned from the pre-school years of parenting.

Parenting Little Ones Christian Parenting Tips Advice

In this episode you will learn:

  • Why boundaries are so important in the early years with your children
  • The impact of creating a family culture of communication
  • Why this is a season of narrowing your life and saying “no”

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Tweets

Quotes

“Learning to say, ‘No,’ to some things, cutting some nonessentials out of your life and really saving your energy, because energy is a big issue. You do sleep less for those early years. There isn’t that adjustment in the rhythm of your life. Narrowing down your life, just really don’t let that urgent stuff get in the way of the important things.”

“We are all designed by God. We are created in his image to create. We just create differently. We have different gifts and children remind me of the joy of being creative. We all have that playbox, if we will. For children it’s the sandbox and it’s the digging for worm box. As adults we should have that too. That place where it is naturally we are using the gifts that God has given us and we are creating something. It’s a wonderful place to be. So children teach us that too.

“The ultimate goal of parenting is expressed in Deuteronomy right out of the chute in scripture that we are to teach our children to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and body, and we are to teach them the ways of God. I love what scripture says, as you walk, as you talk, as you lay down. That’s so cool about scripture because even today, in 2015, we still walk, we still talk, we still lay down. It’s basically as you do life, so in the middle of having a yes home, in the middle of digging for worms, in the middle of making pancakes which my grandson loves to do and making smiley faces and chocolate chips and all that, you can teach them about God and the ways of God and that’s the sustainable thing in a child’s life.”

Show Transcript

You can download a complete transcription of the episode here.

Links

I’d Love to Hear From You

What do you think about the new podcast? What are you most looking forward to hearing from me on the podcast?

If you have an idea for a podcast episode or a question about something we’ve discussed in an episode, you can email me or comment below.

Also if you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. Your comments help to get the word out about the new podcast!

4 Ways to Protect Your Marriage From an Affair

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Rodney and I have been involved in marriage ministry now for over thirty years. We felt God call us to this ministry early in our marriage and have counseled, written, taught and lead retreats and conferences on marriage. One of the most painful parts of this ministry is walking through the heartbreak of an affair. Sin. Betrayal. Brokenness. Gut-wrenching pain.

We have walked this road with way too many couples and each time we ask: how did this happen? What could we do to teach or lead couples to never ever go down this path of pain and devastation? After years of ministering through the pain of an affair, we believe in taking strong measures. Your marriage and family are worth your protection.

4 Ways to Protect Your Marriage From an Affair

  1. The best defense is a good offense. Be proactive to sure you have a strong marriage. Make the time, invest in the relationship. God’s plan for marriage is unity and intimacy. We are to be one and that requires work. Our marriages are designed by God to represent the Gospel to the world. Your marriage has the opportunity every day to show the love, grace, forgiveness, dying to self, giving, and servant spirit of the Gospel. In neglecting your marriage, you are neglecting the Gospel.
  2. Get over yourself. At the root of sin is selfishness. When you make this life or your marriage about you, you will sin. Pride, lies, “I deserve this”, “my needs aren’t being met” — the “I” statements go on and on. The truth is we deserve nothing but Christ has given us everything. Learn to daily die to yourself and then you will begin to live.
  3. Guard your life. Don’t be complacent about guarding your life and protecting your purity. You are weaker than you think. People don’t start out thinking they are going to wreck their lives and the lives of others by having an affair. Take extreme measures. It really does matter that much. This is where you will think we are a little off but trust me on this. It won’t hurt you to be extreme. Your marriage and family are worth it.
    • Don’t have intimate friendships with people of the opposite sex. General friendships are fine but not the kind of friendships where you share feelings, dreams, or intimate issues. Issues of the heart. Keep those conversations for same sex friends.
    • Do not have “friendly” ongoing chats with people of the opposite sex through social media.
    • Don’t reconnect with old girlfriends/boyfriends from the past. Put the past where it belongs – in the past.
    • Make sure you have people in your life who will ask you the hard questions about your marriage and how you are guarding your purity in your marriage.
    • If you ever have “feelings” for someone of the opposite sex, set up safeguards to not be around that person. Change your life patterns to avoid them. Change jobs. Do whatever it takes to guard yourself.
    • If you are tempted and feel you cannot resist, immediately get help. Get help before the affair. Let it be a life and death warning for you much like you would if you felt the symptoms of a heart attack. Run for help immediately.
  4. Pray with your spouse regularly. One of the most intimate things you can do to protect your marriage is to pray together. Praying together will draw your hearts closer to God and closer to each other. Make it a regular practice. Pray together that God would protect and guard your marriage. Pray that your marriage would point people to Christ.

“Don't worry, about a thing,every little (1)

If you could talk to the countless couples that we have walked through this process with, they would say that they would give anything to unwind the clock and go back to that first friendly encounter and reset the events that happened after. They would have taken extreme measures because they are living the pain of the results of an affair.

If you read this blog and are married, go do something special for your spouse tonight.

I just sent Rodney a text to let him know how much I love him.

Blessings,

 

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Voices of Wisdom: June 26, 2015

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6 Leadership Lessons From Being a Father — Eric Geiger

Though I have an immense amount of growing to do as a leader, the Lord has used the experience of parenting to develop me. Here are 6 leadership lessons from being a father.

  1. Lead each one differently.

Though my two girls essentially receive the same nurture, the Lord has created both of them very unique. Their personalities, communication styles, and motivations are different. If I parent each the same way, I won’t parent each of them best. In the same way, leaders who view themselves as servants of their teams are willing to lead people differently because each person on the team is different. To lead each person the same is to ignore the unique gifting, personality, and experience of those on the team.

When the Wages of Sin Is a Grandbaby — Kim Ransleben

Her weeping came ahead of her presence, causing my heart to pound. As a mom of three, it wasn’t the first time a crying child had entered our bedroom hours after we thought they’d gone to sleep. My mind went racing through the evening, then over to her to find the trouble, so I could do what I’d done so many times: soothe the hurt, ease the fear, or comfort her in sickness. The familiar words tumbled quickly from me, “Baby, what’s wrong?” But I had absolutely no context for what she’d say next.

2 Ways to Overcome Your Weakness — Daniel Im

There was a time in my life where I dreaded the thought of meeting new people. It’s not that I was a germaphobe or had anthropophobia (the fear of people), it was just that I preferred to spend time with people I knew, rather than do the small talk mingling thing.

This first came to light when I started pastoring. I remember, it was a weekday morning and I needed coffee (and no, I don’t have an addiction). I was at the office and could’ve easily walked a few steps into the kitchen and made my own pot, but I soon realized that it was the day that all the mom’s met in the basement of the church for fellowship. That only meant one thing: free coffee + cream puffs + ton of desserts.

3 Sins of Refusing to Rest — Jenni Catron

Have you ever noticed that of the 10 Commandments, God gives the most description to this one?  Four verses devoted to explaining why we need to rest.  No other commandment is given this much dwelling time.

But even with the extra explanation, I still violate this one the most.

I believe the inability to honor the Sabbath is a leader’s greatest danger.

Here’s why…

Fight Back With God — Patricia Raybon

At my black church in Denver, the parking lot is packed. It’s late, 9 p.m., but tonight is no ordinary service.

The night after nine Charleston church members were slaughtered by a lone gunman, my African Methodist Episcopal church hosts a citywide prayer vigil.

The event draws in people from many faiths. Sikhs in turbans. Jews in yarmulkes. Roman Catholics in clerical collars. The mayor’s Native American aide-de-camp. Somber politicians wearing nametags and shaking hands.

Why Leaders Need Rest – Selma on Leadership #006

Welcome to Season 1, Episode 6 of the Selma on Leadership podcast. When do you need to take a step back from your organization to rest? Hear from myself and co-host Kristen McCall on why taking a time away from your leadership role to think and refuel is vital to your success.

Why LEaders NEED REST

In this episode you will learn:

  • About the danger of being swept up in the pace of execution in your role
  • Why you need rest to bring the best leadership thinking to your organization
  • The impact of you taking time away to rest has on your organization

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Tweets

Quotes

“Rest is a key part of being a thought leader. You really have to be in a different state of mind to be able to bring the best leadership thinking to your organization and the leaders around you. It’s a Biblical principle.”

“Resting helps us clear our minds and think a little bit differently because if you’re in the middle of a problem to solve or an opportunity to advance, maybe the best thing you need to do is develop your team in that process, rather than you thinking it’s all on you.”

“We’re all different. I love riding bikes, I love hiking, whatever it is for you as a leader, know yourself. Know the places that you go that you can clear your head, get above and beyond the leadership role that you’re in so that you can think. Get perspective and then come back and lead your organization with a fresh view of context and content in the leadership role that you’re in. It’ll be a lot more fun and a lot less stressful, if you will.”

Show Transcript

You can download a complete transcription of the episode here.

I’d Love to Hear From You

What do you think about the new podcast? What are you most looking forward to hearing from me on the podcast?

If you have an idea for a podcast episode or a question about something we’ve discussed in an episode, you can email me or comment below.

Also if you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. Your comments help to get the word out about the new podcast!

Q&A with Chris Adams About the Women’s Leadership Forum

JUN_6408_chrisadamsFor today’s blog post, I’m excited to share with you a Q&A with my friend Chris Adams, who is LifeWay’s Senior Lead Women’s Ministry Specialist. This Fall I get the honor of speaking at the Women’s Leadership Forum, and I’ve asked Chris to share a little bit more about it in hopes that you will make plans to join us as well!

1. Tell us about yourself, Chris!

  • Senior Lead Women’s Ministry Specialist
  • Former women’s ministry/missions education coordinator, Green Acres Baptist,  Tyler, TX
  • Wife of Pat, 44 yrs
  • Mom of twins daughters, grandmother of 7 plus 7 bonus grandchildren
  • Leader of a women’s small group at my church, serving on our women’s ministry  team
  • Love serving the Lord, love equipping women to grow in  their walk and lead other women to do the same

2. Share with us your background in ministry and as a Christian women’s leader?

I was a lay person in my church, with twin babies seeking to grow with other young moms to be godly wives and moms. We were challenged to serve in our community ministries as well as studying God’s word. I led children’s missions organizations, and hated speaking in public. But as I continued serving, then coordinated ministry, I found myself with a burning desire to serve women as I’d been served (by women pouring into my life). Over time, we began to grapple with the new thing called “women’s ministry.” As we were trying to reach younger women (some 30 years ago) we knew we had to do it differently. Eventually my part time position on staff became full time. It was something I never pursued or even thought about but where I found myself after multiple little steps of obedience over many years. I still didn’t want to be a speaker or leader in front of groups, but was “forced” into having to trust God to do through me what I KNEW I couldn’t do.  One day I received a call from someone at the Sunday School Board (now LifeWay!) asking if my husband and I would pray about coming to Nashville for an interview for a position I’d never heard of. It was the first full time on site position for women’s ministry. That was over 20 years ago and it has been an incredible journey, often hard, but always so rewarding to serve Him by serving women.

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3. Share with us about the women’s leadership forum – what is it? Who is it designed for? What can women expect to take away?

The Women’s Leadership Forum is an opportunity for leaders of all ages to gather in one location to share ideas, strategies, information, and inspiration. This is our premier training event of the year. We seek to provide enrichment for the leader so she is poured into spiritually through worship and Bible teaching from top authors. We offer opportunities for networking among peers from across the country who are in leadership. We also offer training by some of the top women’s leaders. So, not only is this for women’s ministry leaders, it is for women who are in any leadership position.

4. What was one of your favorite memories from last year’s event?

Because we sold out early, we live streamed several breakouts and the general sessions.  It was a fun addition to all the myriad of things that were happening but one that connected even women who were not on site.  Another thing we love to watch is the connections among leaders from all across the country. And it is always a joy to pour into women who spend so much time pouring into others. We have read comments on the evaluations before that were from women who were prepared to go home and resign their positions but after the forum, they heard God speak to continue to walk faithfully where He has them. Sometimes their whole ministry has transitioned to new heights because they obeyed.

5. What are you most looking forward to this year at the Women’s Forum?

This year we are broadening to add breakouts for women in all areas of leadership. In addition to providing training for women’s ministry leaders, we will offer training on topics such as leadership & delegation, developing and equipping leaders, building cohesive teams, preparing for persecution in our culture today, and sharing your faith wherever you lead. We believe all women are leaders (workplace, church, home, community), in various seasons of life and various experiences who want to be used by God to impact their world for the Kingdom. So this year the Forum is open to any woman who leads-entrepreneurs, stay at home moms, working professionals, staff or volunteer leaders in the church, or women who may not think they are a leader, but are seeking where God wants to use them.

Connect with the Women’s Leadership Forum event:

Connect with Chris Adams:

Voices of Wisdom: June 19, 2015

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Lord, Open My Mouth — by Priscilla Shirer

I’ve run into several people lately who have spoken words of life over me. They were insightful and encouraging and seemed to have the inside scoop on what I needed to hear. I walked away refreshed and grateful. Grateful that the Lord would take the time to put His words in their mouths for me. It was an answer to my prayer.

That’s why I want His words in my mouth for others.

12 Questions to Ask for a Six-Month Spiritual Checkup — by Chuck Lawless

If you haven’t done a spiritual self-reflection yet this year, I encourage you to take time to read those previous questions and analyze your spiritual life today. Then, review the questions in this post to look at your life at an even deeper level.

Elisabeth Elliot: A Third Way Woman — by Anne Chamberlin

Elisabeth Elliot has died. I didn’t know her, but this feels personal. Her books were influential to me as a young single woman in the early 1990s, particularly Passion and Purity and Let Me Be a Woman. At a time in my life when I had become weary of worldly pursuits, aside from the example and words of my own mom, Elliot’s words most shaped for me a vision of what biblical womanhood could look like.

What to Do When Those You Lead Argue and Complain — by Jeni Catron

I’ve been reading through the book of Exodus again. When I look at all that Moses went through as a leader, it tends to make me feel a bit better about my own challenges.

This time as I read I paid close attention to every time the Israelites grumbled against or quarreled with Moses in the early days of their exodus from Egypt… and it was a lot!

But here is what is curious to me… each time they grumbled or quarreled with him, Moses went to God.

Teaching Teenagers to Manage Invisible Money — by Cherie Lowe

The TV flashes with bright images of smiling kids playing with the latest happy-making item: Stompeez, Flipeez, Flashlight Friends, Juggle Bubbles, or Hide Away Pets. As the earworm of a jingle gears up, I scramble for the remote. I know they’re already coming for my 7-year-old daughter.

My soon to be 13-year-old is less enthralled with toys advertised on TV and more concerned with the potential of finally getting her own phone. She numbers among the few in her class who don’t already have a smartphone at their disposal, each laden with apps containing specialized ads for the so-called “selfie” generation.

Resources for Your Leadership Toolbox: Organizational Assessments – Selma on Leadership #005

Welcome to Season 1, Episode 5 of the Selma on Leadership podcastAs a leader is it time to stop and take a checkup on your organization? This episode is for you. Hear from Selma Wilson and co-host Kristen McCall on how to perform organizational assessments and why it needs to be a regular part of your leadership toolbox.

TLOC

In this episode you will learn:

  • Why organizational assessments should be a standard part of your leadership toolbox
  • The dangers of not doing an organizational assessment
  • What the ankle biters are of an organization and how they can get your team off track
  • Best practices and tips on how to conduct organizational assessments

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Show Transcript

You can download a complete transcription of the episode here.

I’d Love to Hear From You

What do you think about the new podcast? What are you most looking forward to hearing from me on the podcast?

If you have an idea for a podcast episode or a question about something we’ve discussed in an episode, you can email me or comment below.

Also if you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. Your comments help to get the word out about the new podcast!

7 Ways Leaders can Honor Dads (and Moms)

Leaders Can Honor Dads this Father's Day

Often, family life and work life are positioned as a never-ending battle for priority. So much has been said, written, researched, and developed around work-life balance. It is real and most leaders struggle with this in their own life. But what can leaders do to support family life without fear that the organization they lead will suffer?

When I was President of B&H Publishing, I was challenged by the reality that I had several young parents on my team that were “A” players and critical to the success of our organization. They were working long and hard and giving so much as we reset our work with a growth strategy for the future. I didn’t want them to lose their families in the process. Here are a few things that I put in place to celebrate dads, moms, and families.

7 Ways Leaders can Honor Dads (and Moms!):

1. We celebrated the birth of children and grandchildren.

Pictures, celebrations, and recognition of children and grandchildren were a normal part of team updates and larger company-wide meetings.

2. An annual picnic with families.

If your organization is large, this may be a challenge for your entire team, but you can still do this for your leadership team and they can model it for the teams they lead. Meeting spouses and their families was a significant part of my own leadership development. It gave me a broader perspective on the team and helped me be more aware of life beyond work.

3. Snow days with children required.

In Nashville, Tennessee where I am from, it rarely snows. But when it does, it is a big deal. One of the informal rules I put in place was if it snows, it was expected you would play in the snow with your children and a snow day picture was requested.

4. Spouse accountability.

I gave my cell phone number to the spouse of all my key leaders and said call me if work becomes a problem for your family. I only had one spouse call me in the five years I lead B&H. I met with that leader and we made some adjustments in his work.

5. Leadership communication honoring the family.

I often challenged leaders to make family a priority. I did this in personal meetings with leaders and in team-wide communication. I reminded leaders that any problem we had in our work could be handled and we would be fine but a problem in the family should be addressed with urgency.

6. Encouraged family vacations.

The first pastor Rodney served under after seminary challenged us to always take a vacation so we started our young marriage off with a commitment to vacation time. We have kept that commitment now for 39 years of marriage and I am so thankful for this pastor’s wise counsel. A time away from work, ministry, and daily responsibilities is refreshing for the heart, mind, body, and spirit. Our adult daughters have shared often that our family vacations were wonderful memories for them and helped create a strong family bond. Encourage your team to take vacation time and honor it by giving them a break from work. A healthy team has others that can step in on work while others are off. Leaders should only interrupt vacation time when it is a crisis of urgency.

7. Pray for the dads and moms on your team.

When you celebrate and honor Dads and Moms, you will also pray for their families. Often leaders would come to me privately and ask for specific prayer for their family. More often, they would ask for prayer in team meetings across our organization. People asked for prayer because they knew family was a priority for our team.

Other Resources for Dads:

As a leader, you have a significant role to play in honoring dads. This Father’s Day, stop and assess how you are supporting dads (and moms) on your team. Are there some new steps you can take that will strengthen families on your team?

“Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, children, a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the sons born in one’s youth. Happy is the man who has filled his quiver with them. Such men will never be put to shame when they speak with their enemies at the city gate.” Psalms 127:3-5

Blessings,

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Signs of a Healthy and Hurting Marriage | Selma on Leadership Episode #004

Welcome to Season 1, Episode 4 of the Selma on Leadership podcast. In this episode my husband Rodney, co-host Kristen Steele McCall, and I discuss marriage advice and the signs of both a healthy and a hurting marriage.

Signs-of-a-healthy-and-hurting-marriage

In this episode you will learn:

  • Christian marriage advice from Rodney and Selma about what makes a marriage really strong
  • Warning signs of a hurting or dying marriage
  • Why making time for your spouse is critical
  • The 80/20 marriage tip and why your perspective is so important
  • The value of a yearly marriage planning retreat

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Tweets

Quotes

“A couple that prays together, it’s really hard to seriously go before the Father together, and not grow together, in that process.”

“Marriages that are really struggling, when they come in, at some point, I will tell them, ‘Guys just remember, nothing of where you are – the unique circumstances, the challenges, the wall that you are hitting, and everything else – nothing surprises the Lord. He knows where you are. Also, he knows how all this is going to play out.'”

“For newlyweds, don’t take yourself too seriously! It’s just one or two years of solid, constant adjustments.”

Resources

Show Transcript

You can download a complete transcription of the episode here.

I’d Love to Hear From You

What do you think about the new podcast? What are you most looking forward to hearing from me on the podcast?

If you have an idea for a podcast episode or a question about something we’ve discussed in an episode, you can email me or comment below.

Also if you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. Your comments help to get the word out about the new podcast!

How to Subscribe to a Podcast in iTunes

If you haven’t heard, we launched the Selma on Leadership podcast last week! Thank you to everyone who has already subscribed and listened in, and we are so excited that iTunes has named it a “New & Noteworthy” podcast! We are thrilled! The response has been more than we expected with affirmation and suggestions on topics to address. We are just getting started and greatly value hearing from you. Let us know how we can connect with real leadership and life issues you are facing in a format that works for you.

If you are interested in the podcast, we want to make sure you know how to subscribe.

Podcasts are a great way to enjoy regular, free content from some of your favorite authors, speakers or pastors. When you subscribe to a podcast, you are ensuring that you will receive the newest episode of that podcast and that the podcast will show up in your “Podcasts” app on your iPhone or iPad (if you have your settings setup to sync podcasts with your devices).

Subscribe in iTunes

To subscribe to the Selma on Leadership podcast in iTunes you will search “Selma on Leadership” within the iTunes store or simply click this link and then tap the Subscribe button on the page. To play an episode, simply tap on that episode. To download an episode you can click the “Get” button on the right.

Subscribe-Podcast

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I’d Love to Hear From You

What do you think about the new podcast? What are you most looking forward to hearing from me on the podcast?

If you have an idea for a podcast episode or a question about something we’ve discussed in an episode, you can email me or comment below.

Also if you enjoyed the show, please rate it on iTunes and write a brief review. Your comments help to get the word out about the new podcast!

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